To be honest, the past few days have been awfully painful. I woke up feeling like an empty shell, and tears would simply flow down most unexpectedly. I cried when I was making milk for Leah, when I was walking the kids to school, and even when I'm putting food in my mouth. I shrugged off the comments at the kindergarten about my swollen eyes with reasons like lack of sleep.
Many times, I find myself replaying conversations and decisions in my mind, asking myself if I should have done things differently. I can't seem to feel my real feelings too. I see my kids playing and laughing away but I was so numbed with my emotion to even feel their happiness. I lay on the bed and fell asleep a few times due to excessive crying under the pillow. Maybe, it's not my privilege to be happy anymore.
Things have been smooth sailing all my life 没有过什么大波折 so I don't know how to cope with all these sudden sadness. I hate my current state and I know I need to draw myself out of this depression. Life needs to go on and this is unacceptable. I'm also glad to have my dear family to support and cheer me on. The encouragement texts I've received from my dear cousins, sorry I didn't reply to all, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love, meant so much to me. To my MIL, who is the most understanding and my hubby for always being there for me. [I've tortured him with lots of crying.] Thanks dear.
Just wanna tell you guys, I'm okay.
Many times, I find myself replaying conversations and decisions in my mind, asking myself if I should have done things differently. I can't seem to feel my real feelings too. I see my kids playing and laughing away but I was so numbed with my emotion to even feel their happiness. I lay on the bed and fell asleep a few times due to excessive crying under the pillow. Maybe, it's not my privilege to be happy anymore.
Things have been smooth sailing all my life 没有过什么大波折 so I don't know how to cope with all these sudden sadness. I hate my current state and I know I need to draw myself out of this depression. Life needs to go on and this is unacceptable. I'm also glad to have my dear family to support and cheer me on. The encouragement texts I've received from my dear cousins, sorry I didn't reply to all, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love, meant so much to me. To my MIL, who is the most understanding and my hubby for always being there for me. [I've tortured him with lots of crying.] Thanks dear.
Just wanna tell you guys, I'm okay.
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